Dear Woman,

There is a big misconception in our generation about Women and how we fit into the lives of our “men”. Be it your husbands, fiancé or even boyfriends. As women, it’s been hard to be accepted the way we are, as Africans it’s even more difficult. It’s a lot easier I think in the western world.

Growing up as a young girl, I remember my grandmother would tell me how to sit, stand or talk in public, how to cook and clean the house; how to watch my siblings whenever they’re not around. It was tough because I was only a child who needed to do things my age group did but I had to grow up fast. We were taught growing up to respect our elders and not allow any man to touch us because we would get pregnant immediately, that scared me a lot and I remember standing as far away as possible from young boys or grown men.

As we all grew up we found out that it’s such a big lie and that it actually takes two people (a man & a woman) to be sexually active to get pregnant. I’m sure we all laughed about it, I remember i did. There was no hustle back then on how we looked or how fat or big we are or how skinny we are, we were just kids. There was no issue surrounding the size or weight of any young girl whatever the age. I had aunties and in all their relationships, I never heard them say, “we broke up because I’m fat” or” we broke up because I’m ugly” No!  There was nothing like that.

That is not the case in this generation, every girl I know wants to look a size 8, or 6 because she thinks that will keep her boyfriend or that would make him love her more. (Internet gratification) It is so bad that my married pregnant friends are already worried about what they will look like after the baby comes. Ladies, if a man is so worried about your looks before and after you get pregnant, it shows his level of thinking, maturity and love for you, it shows he is more interested in your looks and we all know it takes more than that to keep a man.

A friend of mine told me, she already got a belly trimmer so immediately after she puts to bed, she’d start trimmer her stomach back to size, I asked her why and she said because she’s trying to look good for her man and she doesn’t want him to cheat on her…I understand that and i can relate but listen ladies, I’m not an expert in relationship advice but I know that there is absolutely nothing you as a woman can do to stop a man from cheating. A man who wants to cheat on you, will cheat on you no matter your size. That is no fault of yours. Don’t let any man bully you into thinking, you’re the reason he cheated. I’ve seen guys marry really fat girls and I’ve also seen guys marry slim ones too,  their preference are different and that doesn’t determine if they will stay married.

If your husband or boyfriend does not know that your body changes when you get pregnant and changes even more after you put to bed, that’s on him. Its not your fault that your body is recognizing the natural changes in life. You don’t need to be a particular size to be beautiful or to feel beautiful, don’t let him talk you down because of your body size or weight. Whatever your size, know that you’re wonderfully and beautifully made. Its written in the good book. You should own it and act it. Love yourself! when you do, no one can make you feel less about who you are.

Woman, you’re beautiful! Don’t let yourself down by thinking you’re not pretty enough or good enough. Do I think it’s healthy to look good and to be in a good body shape? Yes but I don’t support the idea of being influenced to make such decisions and at the end of the day leave you heartbroken.

Woman, you’re beautiful! Let’s all remember the teachings from our parents. Being a woman is so much more than your looks. Be that strong woman, a man will say, oh yes! she made that happen, or she motivates me. Be that woman who uses her tools to establish and impact change in her society. It’s a lot more than your pretty face and figure 8 body. The day you truly understand that, the day you begin to grow.

Woman, you’re beautiful, just the way you are!